So, I have a lot of thinky-type thoughts. And thus, have some really philosophical and/or theory-heavy conversations with people. Those nearest to me tend to get it the worst. And, after a conversation I had with Milady the other day, and a series of conversations with Fatherbot a couple of weeks back, I have some more thoughts. And since February is the month dedicated to love, romance, and sex, this is probably a good time to share said thoughts.

Sexual preferences is one of those touchy topics. And, because it’s touchy, there tends to be a lot that goes unsaid — out of embarrassment or shame, out of respect for privacy, out of social convention/ propriety/ politeness. But all those things unsaid create and/or allow certain assumptions to run rampant. (Warning: I’m about to get graphic here. Delicate sensibilities should definitely turn back.)

Such as: sex between a man and a woman involves a penis entering a vagina. Sex between gay men is all about penises entering anuses. Sex between gay women is all about the oral sex.

That list is not exhaustive, not by any stretch. But it hits at the core of the assumptions that I’ve been thinking about the most lately: tops, bottoms, and versatiles. It’s a common set of terms in the gay community; and the stereotypes are even more common. But, in all honesty, and for all that I bitch about stereotypes, I think the basic principle is one the straight community ought to embrace. Because the terms “top”, “bottom” and “versatile” refer to a set of sexual preferences, and when you open that discussion with your partner, you end up having better sex.

And no, I’m not saying that gay people have better sex. Well, okay, actually I am. But only because they tend to communicate better. When you sit down and have a conversation about who prefers to be on the receiving end of which sex act, as well as which acts are on the table and which are off, you have a better shot of having the sex you want and avoiding the sex you don’t. Which, yeah, something everyone could stand a little more of.

To be more specific: if straight folk stop assuming that sex means insert tab A into slot B, then communication becomes necessary, sex has the opportunity to get better, assumptions about what sex is change, and the stigma surrounding certain acts starts to die off. I also think it would probably help dismantle rape culture, because it would normalize talking about sex before it happens as well as during, but that’s just a hunch.

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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