Slightly, Muchly, Completely, Utterly Mad

Ruby and I . . . were in rare form last night. Because this actually happened:

Me: you don’t have to humour me
Me: thank you, though

Ruby: I know, I just couldn’t help but poke at you.

Me: Ah! Bitch! *is offended*

Ruby: THE BITCH! (Trademark pending) Now I am offended at your offense!

Me: Oh, REALLY!
Me: Well, I am offended at your offense by my offendedness!

Ruby: Now I’m annoyed that you are offended at my offense of your offendedness!

Me: I’m irritated by your annoyance at my offense towards your offense at my offendedness

Ruby: I am insulted at your irritation with my annoyance at your offense of my offense of your offendedness!

Me: I am dismissive of your insult at my irritation with your annoyance at my offense of your offense at my offendedness!

Ruby: I feel slighted by your dismissive attitude of my insult of your irritation with my annoyance at your offense of my offense at your offendedness!

Me: I feel triumphant in the face of you feeling slighted by my dismissiveness towards your insult at my irritation with your annoyance at my offense with your offense at my offendedness!

Ruby: I am indifferent to your feeling of triumph over my slighted feelings at your dismissive attitude towards my insult at your irritation with my annoyance at your offense of my offense of your offendedness!

Me: I am smug in the face of your indifference to my triumph towards your feelings of slight regarding my dismissiveness towards your insult at my irritation with your annoyance at my offense to your offense at my offendedness — because it means I win

Ruby: I laugh at your smugness in the face of my indifference to your feeling of triumph over my slighted feelings at your dismissive attitude towards my insult at your irritation with my annoyance at your offense of my offense of your offendedness!

Me: And I sniff at your laughter at my smugness in the face of your indifference to my triumph over your feelings of slight regarding my dismissiveness towards your insult at my irritation with your annoyance at my offense with your offense at my offendedness!

Ruby: I mock your ‘lady-like’ sniff at my laughter at your smugness in the face of my indifference to your feeling of triumph over my slighted feelings at your dismissive attitude towards my insult at your irritation with my annoyance at your offense of my offense of your offendedness!

Me: I disdain your mockery at my sniff regarding your laughter at my smugness in face of your indifference to my triumph at your feelings of slight regarding my dismissiveness towards your insult at my irritation with your annoyance at my offense with your offense at my offendedness!

Ruby: I ignore your disdain at my mockery of your sniff regarding my laughter at your smugness in the face of my indifference to your feeling of triumph over my slighted feelings at your dismissive attitude towards my insult at your irritation with my annoyance at your offense of my offense of your offendedness!

Me: If you’re going to ignore my disdain at your mockery of my sniff at your laughter in the face of my smugness regarding your indifference to my triumph over your feelings of slight toward my dismissiveness at your insult at my irritation with your annoyance at my offense towards your offense at my offendedness, then I’m out of here! *flounces away*
~

This is what comes of IMing with my best friend/life partner at two in the morning.
~

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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