Open Letter to the “Super-Accepting”

Dear Super-Ally,

First, please let me say “thank you”. It’s great to have people like you in the world. It makes it easier for people like me to live full, complete lives openly and honestly. It wasn’t possible twenty years ago. Hell, I remember what it was like ten years ago. And the positive change wouldn’t have been possible without people like you to support us queer folk.

But, honestly, you don’t have to try so hard. As soon as I mention that I’m gay, the conversational evolution flash-freezes, and that’s kind of annoying. I mean, I’m glad that you’re supportive and you want to show how supportive you are by talking to me, but there are other things that we can talk about — things I’d be much happier to talk about, in truth. And, well, I get that I may be the first queer person you’ve ever met, or the first one that you’ve met that you feel comfortable with, or the first one you’ve met that you’re not related to, or any other number of “firsts”.

Despite that, it is not my job to educate you. I am not obligated to answer your questions about when I first realized I was gay, or how my family took the news, or how I handle that in my day-to-day life. These are not questions that you would ask a straight person if you found out they were straight. And if you did, they would probably look at you funny. In the same way, it’s grating to have to answer these questions when my gayness suddenly pops up in conversation. Can’t we just go back to talking about the weather, and how cute my sister is in her class photo, and what your plans for the summer are? Can I go back to being the person you’re talking to, rather than the gay person you’re talking to?




I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.


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