People seem to really like using “bitch” as a slur. They use it when a woman is being problematic or annoying through being confident or assertive, when she is perceived as too aggressive or too pushy or too talkative, or when you just don’t like her because she’s not responding to you the way you want her to.

I’ve been called a bitch more times than I can count. Probably more times than weeks I’ve been alive. And no, that is not an exaggeration. That is an honest estimate right there.

Thus, I have had lots of time to figure out my favourite responses to the derogatory epithet. Thus, here are some of my all-time-favourite ways to reply to being called a “bitch”:

  • “Yep.” *continues with what I was doing and saying*
  • “Yes I am. Something to keep in mind”
  • “Yes, and proud of it”
  • “Took you this long to figure it out? Little slow, aren’tcha?”
  • “Not my fault my balls are bigger than yours”
  • “You’re labouring under the delusion I care”
  • “Well, if you think that anyway, then maybe I should act like one. It’d certainly be more satisfying”

By not denying the slur, by not getting outraged, by not giving any emotional response, I take away all the power in it. Most people don’t call me a bitch more than once or twice, because it’s a rather humiliating experience to insult someone in front of your adoring public and have them completely turn it around so that you look like the asshat.

Pretty satisfying from where I’m standing, though.

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

One thought on “Bitch!

  1. […] I am not nice. That doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of being compassionate. That I cannot or do not commit random acts of kindness. That I will not help someone who needs it. What it means, instead, is that I pick and choose who, how, and when I will help someone. It means that I question myself and my motives when I find I’ve done a random act of kindness. I save my compassion and my empathy for the people that matter most to me, because my emotional resources are finite and because when I decide to be there for someone, I don’t do it halfway. And I have been frequently called a bitch. […]

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