Shit Ain’t Natural

I know that I’ve ranted here before about the whole nocturnal business. I know I have. This . . . is not exactly one of those rants. Same topic though.

So, about a month ago, there were a couple of weeks in which I had places to be which have required me getting up in the actual AM. (The late morning, don’t be crazy, now.) This necessitated me sleeping during the night. And I have to say . . . I am not a fucking fan. That shit ain’t natural. Not for me, anyway.

I mean, I did what all the experts say to do. I slowly changed the time I got up and went to bed by a half hour or an hour maximum, so that it wasn’t a huge shock to my system. I went to bed so that I would (in theory) get 7 or 8 hours of sleep and not feel exhausted. I followed a bedtime routine to ease the way into sleep. I pulled out my usual tips and tricks to make getting to sleep easier.

Didn’t happen.

Instead of settling comfortably or easily into the new routine, it fucked everything up. I had bizarre dreams and nightmares. I lied in bed and I couldn’t get to sleep. I may not have woken up tired, necessarily, but I did wake bitchier than Satan on a holy day. (Basically, I tried to hide in my room until the urge to either murder someone violently or go back to sleep faded.) And come one o’clock in the morning, I got my second wind, even if I’d been up for 14 or 15 hours by that time.

Bottom line: sleeping at night is just weird. Period. It’s my creative “on” time, and I feel like I’m wasting it by sleeping. I mean, if your brain is putting on a fireworks show, shouldn’t you be awake to enjoy it?
~

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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