Passing the Crazy Wand

So, I adore my friend Tillie, whom I met in one of my English classes. I also really like the other half of her brain, Jax. These two are always amused by the extreme things that happen in my life, and giggle madly when I recount my recent antics. (So, in short, they’re enablers, and I love them for it.)

Lately, Tillie has been a darling and helped me out with some of the crazy. Not the fun, giggle-inducing kind. The kind where a strong grip and a lot of determination are necessary to getting through the situation at hand. As a result, I thought it was only fair to pass her the crazy wand — the one that’s all shiny and sparkly, and turns the mundane into an adventure.

The first time, I made Tillie play Easter Bunny with me. That entailed wandering around the dollar store muttering stream-of-consciousness insanity while trying to shop for Will and Liz’s Easter stuff. I think there may have been a few times I nearly killed Tillie, she laughed so hard. Some notable moments include:

Me: Are you a good driver? *points to little carts*
Tillie: Oh, no. I bump into everything.
Me: Will you drive into anyone on purpose?
Tillie: No.
Me: Well, it’s safer if you drive, then.

Me: *picks up the mesh bag of marbles* I can get these for Will! It’ll get him off the video games for a bit, and I get to crack jokes about losing his marbles!
Tillie: You should always get gifts according to their future insult potential.

Me, wandering around muttering angrily about how hard Will, as a teenage boy almost exclusively interested in video games, is to shop for. Especially since the Easter Bunny doesn’t bring video games (that’s Fatherbot and Santa). Tillie just puttered behind me, pushing the buggy and laughing at all the outrageous things I was saying.

Me: They don’t have any peeps. Hunh. Mind you, after Chubby Bunny, no one ever wants to look at a marshmallow ever again. *pause* Do you know what Chubby Bunny is?
Tillie: No.
Me: Ah. Well, basically, it’s a game to see who can stuff the most in their face. So, you go around in a circle and stuff a marshmallow in your mouth and say “chubby bunny”. Over time, everyone gets chipmunk cheeks and you have to not laugh and spew marshmallow everywhere when ‘chubby bunny” starts sounding like “thubbay bubnay”. *laughs*  Once, my whole family played Chubby Bunny all day because it was a snow day. We played with marshmallows –you can play with cheesies, but we actually like those. Anyway, because you have to hold the marshmallows in your mouth without chewing or swallowing, we got this thick, sickly sweet sludge collecting in our mouths and trickling down throats, and just . . . *shudder* To this day, Liz is the only one who can look at a marshmallow without wanting to puke.
Tillie: I guess so!

And then, the other day, I went over to have a tea party with Tillie and Jax, as well as their housemates. We debated who was whom, and concluded that Tillie was the March Hare, Jax was the Mad Hatter, and yours truly was . . . probably the Cheshire Cat, but also, possibly, Alice. We had tea and cookies, and, ah, I may have invaded their kitchen in order to properly brew a pot of tea for Tillie and myself. Because I am an unrepentant tea snob, and tea should be done right. Luckily, they all felt much the same.

(They also sent me home with a small bucket of chocolate eggs, because apparently they’re drowning in them. There are worse things to drown in than chocolate, in my opinion, but I’m not going to argue — I mean, they were sending me home with chocolate!)

During the tea party, we also ended up talking about Lucy the cat, our favourite and funniest stories of being inappropriately hit on, and the more sober topic of school. Because this tea party wasn’t just a wonderful gathering of lovely people, it was also a little bit of a goodbye, since Tillie and Jax are graduating and going on to grad school. And one of their housemates, also an acquaintance of mine, is also graduating and now has to navigate the job market.

But even if we don’t see each other much, and even if they’re no longer at school with me, this isn’t the end for any of us. I plan on seeing Tillie over the summer, and Jax, too, if we can swing it. I will email them, and send letters. But most of all, I will wish them luck and happiness, at grad school, in the workforce, and in the future.

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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