Fuckin’ Murphy

If you have ever spent time with me in what most carbon-based life-forms call “Real Life”, chances are you’ve heard me say it: I’m fucking Murphy’s Law with legs.

For those of you unaware of what Murphy’s Law is: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, and it will happen to you. (Or rather, me.)

So, there I was, sitting in class on a Monday (fuckin’ Mondays,  evilest day of the whole buggering week) and trying to collect my scattered brain cells to pay attention to my professor, who is starting to lecture. And then I notice that, for some reason, my laptop won’t turn on. Now, it’s a little old and grumpy, and slow to respond sometimes. So I give it a minute, and try again. Still nothing.

That would be when my ESP got with the program, and informed me via the cold dread in my stomach that The Little Laptop That Could was deader than a doornail. I ignored it, because ESP is for crackpots, and decided to reboot the ‘puter. I pulled the battery out, pressed the power button, slotted the battery back in, and tried again. Still nothing. The cold dread now feels heavy, like sludge. I thought, “hey, maybe it’s just extra grumpy and wants me to feed it!” So I plug it in — and the little power light goes on, so I know I wasn’t too far off in my thinking — and try yet again. Still nothing.

At that point, I had attempted to turn on The Little Laptop That Could four or maybe even five times. Honestly, I can’t quite remember. What I do remember is the cold weight filling my guts, as if I had a bellyful of frozen steel. I packed up my things, and hightailed it out of the lecture hall. (Sorry Professor; I wasn’t running away from you, I swear.) As I’m heading to TechieLand on campus, I’m running over contingency plans in my head. My first hope is that they can fix this clusterfuck and I can get back to the lecture — but I know that’s not likely (probably the ESP again). I realize that Milady has a laptop for work, and one for personal use, and that I could probably wheedle my way into borrowing one for a few days if need be. As I near TechieLand, then I think about how I’ve been looking at replacement laptops for a while now, trying to find the model that will be the best fit — one that will do what I want, and have what I need, and stand up to the abuse that I dish out to my electronics simply by using them a lot and often. Despite the fact that I wound up in no fewer than four (maybe even five) stores back in December, I hadn’t been able to find what I wanted — until I checked TechieLand a couple of weeks ago and found out that they had the ‘puter of my dreams. Awesome.

The not-awesome part was trying to figure out how to finance said dream-machine. In the end, I was able to come up with a plan that should have worked out, and relatively well — I budgeted, thought about what I needed and what I didn’t, and even planned for miscellaneous shit to come up. It was a solid plan that involved me getting the new ‘puter next fall, near the beginning of the new school year.

And then it all went to shit. Rather spectacularly, actually.

So, The Little Laptop That Could has sadly passed on, after nearly five years of faithful service. RIP, Little ‘top, and know that you were loved. *has a moment of silence*

But planning a funeral service for zombie electronics wasn’t going to help me out of the jam I was in. Not a whit. So, I start talking about other options. Once I realize that, yeah, no, my laptop is gone for good, I realize that my hand has been forced: I have two papers that require various degrees of writing/finishing, and an exam to study for. I ask them for the new laptop, and discover — much to my dismay — that the one of my dreams will take two weeks to get here. Um, yeah, no. My exam is in ten days, and I need a ‘puter before that so I can finish the essays and such. So when they check what they have in stock, and tell me that the computer of my dreams — plus a few expensive and unnecessary bells and whistles — is right here, ready for me to take home, I bit the bullet and bought it.

On my credit card though, because then I can work out a payment plan of sorts and not be broke. I am kinda mad at The Little Laptop That Could — six more months, and I would have had enough to buy the new compy with no issues of payment. It seems like every time I make a good, solid plan, it inevitably ends up fucked by a porcupine. And it’s not like I have anything against porcupines, just . . . yeah, not pleasant any way you cut it.

Only me.
~

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

 

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