ALL or (nothing)

So, here I am, freaking out over the prospect of putting together a major essay in a matter of three days—a thing that did not come about by choice, I assure you—and I realize something. Well, perhaps “realize” is the wrong word. I knew a long time ago that I’m an intense person, the kind who doesn’t do things half-hearted or half-way. For me, it’s all or nothing. If I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it to the best of my abilities and with a full commitment of self, because I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right.

The, shall we term it “awareness”? I think that term is more accurate . . . sprang to the forefront of my mind after a brief conversation with the Fatherbot that went thusly:

Me: I don’t know how in the nine circles of hell I’m going to do this!
Fatherbot: Look, why don’t you just half-ass it for once in your life and get it in.
Me: Since when have I half-assed anything?
Fatherbot: The important part right now is in finishing and getting it in.

Cue factoid of which I was previously unaware: I don’t actually know how to half-ass something. I mean . . . how does that even work?

So, suffice to say that I’m having a giant moment of does not compute! In case you are unsure of what this looks like, imagine waving bacon in front of a puppy, and then taking it away. Puppy would tilt his head, and his eyes would be all big and confused. He might even whine.

That is me, right now.

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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