Did This Just Happen? . . . Yes. Yes, It Did.

So, I was contacted on [social networking site] yesterday by a man I will call The Great Shit. When he requested an online interview, I asked why, exactly, I was being contacted, and was invited to join The Family. I was told that many girls have tried and failed to enter The Family, that I was being asked specially to join, and was then handed the Ten Commandments of The Family.

  1. The Great Shit’s word is law. Hear and obey.
  2. Thou shalt be loyal first and foremost to The Family. Be willing to prove thy loyalty.
  3. Thy service to The Great Shit is thy primary goal, and thou shalt strive towards it with utmost respect, deference, and submission to His will.
  4. Thou shalt not worship the false idols of Feminism, Equality, or Independence.
  5. Thou shalt entrust thy whole self to the hands of The Great Shit, without reservation or question. Ever.
  6. Thou shalt not speak to any member of The Family outside the supervision of The Great Shit.
  7. The Great Shit must know all and see all, that He may keep The Family safe, protected, and in line.
  8. Thou shalt not speak without permission.
  9. Thou shalt never speak freely unless thou art a Housewife, the exalted extension of The Great Shit; an honour bestowed only by the goodness and mercy of The Great Shit Himself.
  10. Thou shalt not give a flying monkey’s left nut for the rules of spelling, grammar, or syntax.

So, it was just your typical Monday: I did the dishes, talked to a few friends, caught up on my sleep, was invited to join a cyber-cult, and reminded Dad to put out the recycle bins.

Only me, I swear. And, in case anyone was wondering, I declined. I may not have used my Sunday manners whilst declining said invitation, however.

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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