I’ve had it up to /HERE/!

I apologize in advance for the random ranting, cursing, blasphemy, and graphic descriptions, but there have been a string of those days. So . . .

*Takes a deep breath*
*Loses it*

Holy fucking Christ! Is our education system so broken that reading comprehension is a fucking lost art? In the last two days–two days!–I have had no fewer than five guys contact me about dating them. Is there something about the word “lesbian” that is unreadable? I mean, I thought that it was understandable contemporary English, but if it’s in code, then someone needs to inform me so that I can use language these unevolved life forms can understand.

I have tried being polite. I have tried to have patience. I have tried to be very direct. But damnit, I am not a saint or a martyr, and I just royally upbraided the slush-brained sheep-fucker who had the gall to message me on [social networking site] promising that he would not behave “whatsoever”. He clearly has more balls than brains (and for the moment, I will refrain from casting aspersions upon his genitalia, although I am sorely tempted) because he actually inquired as to whether I am “into” older guys. I swear, I am >this close< to making a pair of pants with “penis need not apply” plastered across the ass. With a matching pair of knickers.

In regards to the upbraiding of the asshat in question, I gave him the choice between being a liar or being a pathetic and disgusting facsimile of a human being. Because either he didn’t read my profile (as he professed to do, claiming he found it intriguing) or he did read my profile and has chosen to disregard my orientation, dismissing it as a joke, a challenge, or believing that I am incapable of knowing that I don’t have any interest in cock. (I won’t even go into the total lack of respect female sexuality receives, because if I do I might just blow a blood vessel or three.)

Right now, I would very much like to have this individual in front of me. Because–despite the fact that he is twice my age–I can guarantee that right now, I would have him feeling about an inch tall. If I decided to merely insult his intelligence, ancestors, progeny, and ability to continue living unassisted by those with fully developed mental faculties. Right at the moment, I’m leaning more towards pulling out my sword and beating him with the flat. As it is a twelve pound broad sword, I can also guarantee that it would not be a pleasant experience for him. Though I would enjoy it immensely.

And I think, with that mental image tickling my brain …


Disclaimer: I figure that venting my ire here is preferable to doing anything violent or otherwise legally-questionable, but just to be clear: I do not condone violence–physical, verbal, etc.–as a valid problem-solving technique.  Hence ranting here, instead of beating the knob.

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

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