One of “Those” Days …

Anthem for Serial Killers

I’m sick of all this nonsense!
I’m sick of all this shit!
Of all these bloody wankers,
Who go and take the piss!

So I’m getting all the hammers,
The bats, the knives, the swords;
They’re just waiting for the day
I can’t take it anymore

And when I blow my top
I’ll start hacking at your limbs—
Busting up your kneecaps,
And shattering your shins

I’ll go yanking at your veins,
(Like a magic handkerchief!)
And like a gory jump-rope,
I’ll use them to go skip

As for my trusty sword,
I’ll beat you with the flat;
Whomping and a-walloping
‘Til you’re purple, blue, and black!

I’ll frolic in your entrails
(The lovely, twisty coils)
They’re so much fun to poke!
(But awful once they spoil)

And when it comes your brains’ turn
I want to take my time;
But no brains in the carpets . . .
(So I’ll do that outside.)

And—just because I’m curious—
I’ll pound you pancake-flat:
Because I’ve often wondered
How long it’d take to do that

And after I have vented,
I think you’ll understand
What it is that happens
If my temper gets out of hand

Until then, please excuse me,
I’ve wild dogs to fetch;
They’re always just so happy
To help me clean the mess!

I think this goes without saying, but as we live in a world of rampant asshattery, please allow me to state for the record: this is my intellectual property. As such, please do not copy, circulate, edit, alter, take credit for, or otherwise appropriate this material without my express permission. Thank you.

Further disclaimer: I am not in any way, shape or form, seriously advocating for any of the above methods of problem-solving. Sometimes, you just have one of those days where it makes you feel better to sit back and think about how satisfying it might be to put someone out of your misery.

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